Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Re-Finding My Own Soule


As a realistic woman regarding life, career and the balance of the two, I have sought out advice and guidance regarding how to harness my energy over the past several years. I have learned that there is a delicate line between expressing opinion in the basis of true knowledge and speaking up to just "stir the pot." I have read books on powerful women in different kids of careers, and I always aspire to find my own kind of peaceful power within myself.

The desire to make myself a better businesswoman and a better woman in general has been challenged lately. I had been second-guessing myself, wondering if I was heading down the wrong path. My strength of words was being considered cruel, and my gumption for leadership was being regarded as inappropriate. I had never encountered these kinds of obstacles, where the very core of my nature was being questioned. In past jobs, classes and activities, my ability to positively take control of difficult situations was always rewarded. In high school, my ability to lead allowed me to become Student Council President as a Junior. In my first two jobs, I was training and mentoring new team members and ended up managing the workload of an entire small department on my own. I have taken action against negativity in the office when nobody else would speak up, and I was always so proud of my past endeavors.

When the proud points of your life are questioned and reprimanded as "wrong," there seem to be two logical choices to make. First, I absolutely re-assessed myself. I questioned whether or not I was in the wrong, stepping on others' toes in order to just further my career and my own ego. I'm sad to say that for a while now, I've continued to question this. I've been trying to change my personality on several different levels to conform to the idea of the person that I've been asked to be. But then something wonderful happened...

This week I am on a life changing trip with a truly inspiring woman. Her strength of personality is only matched by her diligence and dedication to her work, and she is a wonderful example of how reward can only truly come from hard work and perseverance.  As I sit at the cusp of another life change myself, I feel so lucky to be spending this time with her. I feel reinforced in the idea of being true to myself and to my life goals. I feel that my personality and my way of working in the industry can actually be positive, despite the feedback I've recently received. And I feel so confident now that I just need to be somewhere that regards my honesty, straightforwardness and perseverance toward bigger and better goals as a GOOD thing.

I feel silly for having questioned myself for quite a while now. I have a truly amazing husband, who supports me in everything that I do. I have a career that feeds my passions every day, and I have been so lucky to work in this industry for every day of my professional career. Becoming a strong woman today means making tough choices. It means that you have to take chances on scary adventures, in order to find happiness for yourself. Being brave and strong are some of my proudest traits today. I might not always appear to be very steady, but I know what I want out of life. If I have to make sacrifices to get there, then I will; and I am so happy to finally start feeling some true pride in myself again.

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